Relationship Recovery | 4 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Him | Dating Plan Codependency

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Welcome to the Dr. Erin Show. This is a top spiritual awakening and new thought ancient wisdom podcast to teach you how to become your highest self, unleash your spiritual superpowers, discover your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, Dr. Divinity, and I'm committed to bringing you the best manifesting and coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you reprogram your subconscious mind, monetize your spiritual gifts, and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are, and I believe in you together we're awakening the world. Hello my friends. I'm super excited today because we have a caller that has called in and asked should I sleep with him? Wow. Today I'm going to answer with four questions you should ask yourself before sleeping with him or her, whichever your preference is, she, her, they, whichever title you want to give it. 

(00:58):

So today we're going to break on down the truth of emotional mastery. And as a leader, I want to get vulnerable in my humanist and let you know that again, as a leader, as a teacher, I teach truth that absolutely is truth. It does not mean I am perfect as a leader. We teach universal law and understanding how energetics work, how to manifest and all the above. And I am a teacher and a student at the same time. So let's break this on down. Should I sleep with him? Well, the first question that you may ask yourself is what is your intention? So it's a real interesting thing because I have a full spectrum of friends. I have very liberal polyamorous friends, and I have very devoted Christian friends. I have a full spectrum of friends that I've had throughout my life. I've had friends that are strippers. 

(01:56):

I've had friends that are absolutely purist to the core. I have friends that don't drink at all and have been in recovery their entire life, and I have other friends that do a lot of medicine. So everyone's intention is different. That's my point. And for many people, intimacy and sex can be used for manipulation. It also can be used for beautiful aligning and merging of souls. So the first question definitely to ask yourself is what's the intention if you're looking for a long-term relationship, or are you looking to just have a sexual experience? That could be a beautiful sexual experience, or it could be a fleeting pornographic experience, right? What is the intention? And I would say it's really important to ask your partner, but also know that someone can have an intention and their intention can change tomorrow. Okay? So it's really about you getting clear about yourself and what is your intention?

 
(03:02):

Because what you hold in mind, what you hold in mind is going to inform universal mind. What you hold in mind is going to inform your subconscious mind and really set the polarity of the universe into motion. Let's just say for example, that your intention is to find the love of your life and merge in souls and have your twin flame for the rest of your life, as they say, or soulmate, right? Your divine partner. And some of you guys might have different definitions of those terms. So whatever that is, I'm saying that the intention is whatever your intention is, your partner may say he has that intention, but he may change his mind the next day. You don't have control over that, right? But the truth is, when you set your intention, you can actually inform the universe. The universe may say, Hey, this person's not for you, and they may get them out of your life so that you can have your actual divine partner come in. 

(04:02):

But setting your intention is super important. And the reason why I say this is because as somebody who works with people around the globe, I would say about nine out of 10 people are codependent, meaning they struggle in relationship, even if they're married, if they're single, if they're dating, there is a push and pull because they hand their power over in relationship. Therefore, they're disempowered in relationship. This is the basics of the basics of metaphysics. The basics is that the moment that you hand your power over to anything, especially in your relationship, you'll be disempowered in that area. So codependency is really truly the highest form of codependency. And handing the power over relationship is the most entangled area of our life and our intimate life, because there's nothing not intimate about it. When two people come together, whether it be a man or a woman or whomever, when you change and exchange bodily fluids, your DNA literally merges, okay? You don't just merge in mind and spiritually you merge physically. Literally, your ancestor trauma that they've dealt with and you've dealt with is coming into the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it, right? So you might want to ask yourself no pressure on that, right? What's the intention? For most people when they are intimate, their intention is for a long-term relationship, okay? Not everybody, but majority of people. Okay? So first thing I want you to write down is what is your intention? 

(05:50):

So you have to know the second question is a very important question that might impact the first question. And here's the question, are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibility for your emotions if you sleep with him? Okay, what does this mean exactly? To stay in our sovereignty, to stay in our sobriety, to stay in our divine power? Peace is par when we feel out of control. We don't have control over our emotions, we become the effect of emotions. We become the effect of life. We have to take responsibility for our emotions. No one is responsible for our emotions. So if we're going to be intimate with somebody, we have to know that we can't control what the partner does. They may be the most loving person ever, or they may turn out to be a liar. We don't even know. 

(06:59):

And in our energetic field, we're going to call in according to our emotions already. So if you're somebody who has low self-esteem or low self-worth, and you're fearing Should I sleep with somebody, then most likely you're probably going to have some emotions once you sleep with them. So the question is, are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibility for your emotions if you sleep with this person? Okay, so I would play it out a little bit like worst case scenario because that's how we play. We play the miracle in consciousness and hold that miracle, and we also get prepared for worse thing because we know that life is a paradox and that the more we can play with the light and the dark in consciousness and come to neutrality, we have more choice. So my invitation is to play in consciousness and play as if the greatest thing happened, and that may look like, Hey, we become intimate. Our core values are all in alignment. Our core needs are being met. We're not making anyone wrong. We are masters, and guess what? It probably won't be the case. 

(08:23):

It could be awful. They could turn out to be cheating on you. They could turn out to be whatever we need to take full responsibility if best case scenario and worst case scenario happens, are you emotionally prepared for this? That means you have a powerful consciousness. That means you've done your inner work. That means you have not a low self-confidence that you realize I'm taking this choice. And regardless, regardless of what happens, I know that I have the tools and consciousness, the support group, my daily spiritual practice, whatever it is to sustain if the worst case happened. If you do not, then I don't recommend becoming intimate with somebody if you're not prepared for it emotionally, okay? I'm not here to ever tell anybody to sleep with somebody or not sleep with somebody. I'm here to give them the distinctions to make the choice for themselves. 

(09:24):

Okay? So number one is what is your intention? Number two is are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibly for your emotions if you sleep with him? Okay, number three is does he have the desire to fulfill your expectations and your needs? And this is a huge one because most people don't even talk about it. They, okay, I'm going to, if I'm Christian, I may want to get married just so I can sleep with them. I see this a lot when they don't even know who their real partner is, but they think the marriage is going to solve all their problems, and it doesn't. Just because someone gets married does not mean they are not insecure, they don't have emotions, and they are getting their needs met. It's the same exact problems, and again, I'm not going to say you should or shouldn't get married before you have sex, but these are just core things that need to be discussed and figured out, and not just by words, by the way, but by witnessing your partner, does he or she have the desire to fulfill your expectations and your needs? 

(10:45):

Because unless you're enlightened master walking this planet able to unconditionally love your partner, no matter what they do, you're probably going to have some expectations and some needs. And so in the ideal world as really planning out a proactive approach for dating and for really spending your life with somebody, you would really get clear of what your basic needs are and what your expectations are. And the more you can communicate that and discover what your partner's expectations and needs are, and play it out as a devil's advocate. So say for example, your basic needs are that your partner is in communication with you every day, and that you see each other X amount of days of the week, or you end up living together or whatever the expectations are. The expectations are, Hey, we would probably date for a while, but our intention is to eventually get married, or our basic needs are when I'm upset, I need you to be there for me. 

(11:53):

Or the expectations are, Hey, I expect you to cook for me or pay for me, or whatever. I don't know what those expectations are. Again, no one would say what those should be. Those are for you to discover. And if you have not discovered what your basic needs or expectations are in a relationship, you may want to do some more inner work before becoming intimate with somebody just saying, okay, so does he or she have the desire to fulfill your expectations and your needs? And the question is, do you have the desire to fulfill your partner's expectations and their needs? Super important to really think about this because to become intimate with somebody, entangling energetically entangling in your DNA and your energetics of all lifetimes, you might want to do some of this work just FYI. Okay, number four, question. So again, number one is what is your intention? 

(12:57):

Number two is are you emotionally ready and are you willing to take 100% responsibly for your emotions if you sleep with him? Number three is does he have the desire and do you have the desire to fulfill the expectation and needs? And lastly, but not lastly, these are just some basic conversations. Okay? Number four is what is your plan if it goes right, and what is your plan if it goes wrong? Right? Having those conversations with a partner is super important. For example, you may start sleeping with somebody. It may, you get some core expectations and needs met and you're really enjoying each other, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, wait, you don't want kids? Wait, I really want kids. I've always had that vision for my life. Wait, you don't want kids? No, I don't want kids, right? It's like, oh, we should have talked about this before we became intimate. 

(14:01):

Now we're all entangled. Now we have began to build it life together and we have a deal breaker. I'm not saying that would be a deal breaker for people or not, but I'm just saying it's an example. So what is your plan if it goes right, and what is your plan? If it doesn't go right, meaning right. So what does that look like? And these are the conversations that any healthy, mature relationship should probably have before they become intimate. These are truths that I think majority of people stumble upon. And again, I would say about nine out of 10 people are, have codependency. Even if they're married, even if they're dating, they're up and down, they're handing their power over, and we're all guilty of it. So we have to mature as your question goes, should I sleep with him? That is a question that only you can answer. 

(15:00):

But what I know for sure is that being proactive of the highest vision of what you want is imperative to get clear with that person. If someone doesn't have a vision for their life, it's not a problem. It's their life, it's their, but it's pretty hard to create with somebody if you don't know what the vision is that you're creating together. So again, just coming into this of understanding that self-reflection and awareness is imperative of understanding who you are. How can you merge your body and your life with somebody if you don't even know who you are, right? Being able to set boundaries and getting clear of what works for you and doesn't work for you in relationship is imperative to be able to understand that this is going to work or not work. Maintaining independence is imperative for healthy relationships and going slow into the relationship is one of the core things they found for relationships at work. 

(15:58):

Open communication. Is this person able to handle a heated topic? Are they able to have empathy or compassion? Are you able to have empathy and compassion, right? And continuous self-growth and being able to have support groups and regular check-ins and constantly growing and remembering that intimacy is, in my opinion, it's a high level of a spiritual practice. If you're looking to sleep with somebody just to feel good or get something out of it, it's not going to work spiritually. It is a reverence. It is a discipline. It is somewhere to grow exponentially. And I know that there's very, very few marriages that are even happy. They say something like 15% of marriages are actually working. And I think the next quantum leap we may take as a species in relationship is really looking at it as a place of a sacred, sacred healing place. And we know that when we heal, it's also a sacred place to birth creativity to the universe, whether that be you're creating children that you're birthing to the universe, or whether that be a project and legacy that you're leaving, or whether that's birthing beautiful things to the world, what I know for sure is that intimacy is into you. 

(17:29):

I see. And each and every one of our partners is a divine place to really dive deeper into the reflection of the depths of your soul. And that may not be for everybody. You could have an incredible, beautiful sexual experience if that is what works for you. And I'm just here to say that I understand. I have had so much codependency in my life that it's such a beautiful thing, and it's such a beautiful thing to be to a place in my life where I don't have to make anyone wrong anymore. I don't have to hand my power over, and I might have moments of it, but I always come back to truth. I always know that God's source, divine source is within me, and that really is the true love that if we all walk down the aisle and we knew that the true marriage is within thyself with the higher self, and that your partner can never fulfill you, they really can't. 

(18:38):

I mean, they can add to your life, but they can never fill you if you're not filled by source, by your higher self. It's impossible if we walk down the aisle or walk down intimacy with our lover or our boyfriend or a girlfriend or whatever, and we knew we're here to really add to their life, to enjoy life, to serve them, to play with them, to just have moments, but recognizing that the true, true source is always with them, that we can't fill our partners either. We can't fix them, we can't change them, we can't control them. We're here to learn unconditional love in relationship, and it is the most humbling aspect of life. I see it over and over and over in relationship where people are complaining, they're frustrated. And the ultimate, ultimate lesson is that we have to learn how to love unconditionally and really not need anything particular back. 

(19:44):

That doesn't mean we stay in dysfunctional relationships. That doesn't mean we wouldn't stay in something that's adding to our life, but that means when we develop that advance, advance consciousness of being able to love somebody, even through those walls, through those times when they're being a jerk through the times, they're not there for us, there's going to be times like that, and we have to still get committed back to the love. And so I'm just here to say, may you choose your partner with high consciousness. May you really, really look at it and look at your core values and look at their core values. Do they align? Because if they don't align, you most likely are not going to be able to work together. Aligning core values is imperative for it. Okay? So I just say, may the truth, may you absolutely have beautiful, beautiful intimacy. I simply know this as together, we say, and so it is okay. If you're somebody who has a question, 

(20:46):

You send it to me on any of the social media. You can also email that in to support@soulciete.com. You can also put it in one of the reviews on the podcast. Okay? Have a beautiful, blessed day, and may you live your truth. Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Erin Show. If you're ready to transform your life, discover your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams, go to www.drerin.tv  Join me in my life-changing events, membership or certification. If you're ready to become a certified coach and get trained in metaphysics of mind manifestation and the creative process, subconscious reprogramming, trauma, recovery, healing, spiritual psychology, universal law, and much more, go to www.drerin.tv. If you're receiving value from the show, I would love it if you would share it with a friend and give it a five-star review. Have a beautiful day, and may you live your truth.